Who Authorized This CD Release Interview

I’ll start the interview by saying that it’s not an understatement, your sound has never been duplicated by any other artist. The versatility and range is pretty astounding. Your album ranges from acoustic college rock, to talking heads-esque gutter funk, to rollicking dance pop, all the way to hip-hop with “How Hot Is Our Flows”. I just want to know, who are you all influenced by?

MATT: Truth be told, we’re pretty much influenced by college rock, the talking heads, gutter funk, and a marginal dose of rollicking dance pop. Hey, that’s funny right? Ha ha haaaa…but on that serious tip, we’re influenced by just about all the bands anyone else would mention, with the addition of various novelty rappers (who will remain nameless so they don’t become recognized by droves of Jargon fans…that could potentially destroy our cred…even though they may have their names somewhere on this website, I won’t be the one responsible for our loss of credibility in the novelty rap genre), and ourselves. Listening to other people’s music messes with your music. Since we don’t want to stop listening to other music, it’s important that we listen to our own songs constantly to prevent our music from sounding like anything else.

SHAUN: I’m pretty much just influenced by anything that rocks… You know like Deion Sanders’s debut album Time for Prime or Andrew Llyod Weber’s Jesus Christ Superstar — the original version — not any of the ones by the new cast. Oh yeah, and I’m also influenced a lot by early Inuit Jargon. We pretty much rocked since the beginning so listening to our early stuff shows me how I can build on what I call our long held “dynasty of rock”.

ANDREW: Well we definitely have a ride range of influences. Mostly classic rock though, like Weird Al and Vivaldi. I’ve been listening to this band Inuit Jargon a lot, too, they really rock, and I think they kinda influenced all our stuff. I think lyrically, we’re just kinda influenced by things in our lives that mean a lot to us, like nail clippers and Vin Diesel.

You told everyone that the album was coming out in January and then not releasing it until February/March. Was there any reasoning behind that decision?

ANDREW: Well I think the reasoning behind that was that I think you suck
watch batteries.

MATT: What he meant is that is no, there was no reasoning. I guess it’s just the rocking thing to do to let everyone think the album is dropping soon and then push it back for a couple of months. Everyone else does it. Don’t single out the Jargon, or the Jargon will single out you. You don’t want to be on the bad side of Jargon…it’s not the good side.

SHAUN: The whole idea behind that was pretty much made by our marketing department. I think it was genius personally. Why only have a few days of buzz around your album when you can have 2 months worth of buzz. If it was up to me, I would’ve released the album in December 2007. With all that buzz we’d probably be the biggest band in the country right now.

I think you’d agree that there are some pretty charged belief statements on this album. Can you tell me your of thinking behind the polemic calls to action in songs like Punkie Brewster or There’s No Chairs Anywhere (Except this One)?

SHAUN: When we were writing No Chairs, I pretty much had this idea that tried to combine the rise of communism with consumerism and the death of the American Dream. I think of the lyrics as Hunter S. Thompson-esque Gonzo journalism or William S. Bourroughs type beat poetry more than anything else. We’re trying to attack such a complex subject at such an obtuse angle, but I think it really comes through when you put it all together. As for Punkie Brewster, we pretty much think a lot of pop punk music just blows.

It’s obvious if you study the album that the Jargon’s percussion sound has definitely matured since your first EPs. What do you think is the cause of this unprecedented, almost preposterous maturation?

MATT: It seems when people are trying to get better at rocking their instruments they listen to musicians who are good at it and then try to be like them. I think that’s stupid. I listened to a lot of drummers who sucked and taught myself to not do what they do. This way I’m teaching myself how to be better and not adapting the style of someone else. I imagine in the future it’s how I’ll be remembered. I call it the “’Mattian’ Musical Maturation Method.” People are going to find out about it pretty soon. Watch it spread… like baby urine on a silk shirt.

The guitar licks on the electric songs pulsate with kinetic energy. The acoustic riffs are pure as the driven snow. Is there any secret to your guitar work?

ANDREW: Every night before we record or go on stage, I go into the bathroom, look myself in the mirror, and tell that douche bag in my head to leave me alone for 20 minutes, and if he does, I’ll give him a nice shot of heroin. Then I just go in there and rock it.

Another question for the entire group. I’ve been reading a lot about the making of your album. You guys stand firm that it’s a concept album. I’m not sure I’ve been able to find a concept in this album, can you help me out?

ANDREW: The concept is that it rocks, which is a concept never before
attempted by a band. Also, where have you been reading about us?

SHAUN: Here’s a clue. Memorize the words to the album. Reorder the tracks taking Egyptian sacred geometry into account, and the repeat the words back to yourself beginning with the last track and ending with the first track in reverse order. If you have trouble reordering the track listing just remember the phrase, “Chinese New Year”. The rest is pretty much up to you.

[At this point Matt stood up angrily]

MATT: I’ll tell you one thing: you, sir, are an example of what is wrong with culture today. “Uhhh…can you like tell me what the concept of your concept album is?” What the Hell is that? How could you possibly benefit from my telling you? Furthermore, how could you be so ignorant as to not know the concept? It is not rocket science. Jargon fans across the globe have found the concept, and you know what, I think they’ve accepted it and applied it their lives too. It’s mildly controversial at first, but anything that is new and innovative and unprecedented and complex and mind boggling and all encompassing of all things rocking and influential (it will be) and non-watered down and so damn in full effect is going to be at least mildly controversial. But you wouldn’t understand. You don’t play that game. You don’t think it’s important to learn something for yourself; God forbid you try to scratch off some of the frosting, dig a little hole with your birthday candle, and lower in a tiny mirror to see whether the batter is vanilla or chocolate. It could be marble, perhaps velvet, but why would you even care to look. Actually, don’t look. Go listen to your Jesse Camp, 50 Cent, Mystikal, Linkin Park, Kanye West, Lenny Kravitz, Godsmack, Snoop Dogg, Jennifer Lopez, All American Reject, Yellowcard, Smiple Plan, Bowling for Soup, Garth Brooks, TOBY KEITH, Jimmy Ray, Taking Back Sunday, New Found Glory, Eve 6, Rascall Flats, Big Tymers, Aretha Franklin, Queen Latifah, P Diddy, Hoobastank, Puddle of Mudd, Nickleback, Story of the Year, Train, Reuban Studdard, Clay Aiken, and Staind. In fact just go watch American Idol while you’re at it. I bet you’re one of those people who overrates dead people too aren’t you? Man, just because someone dies doesn’t give them instant credibility. Kurt Cobain is not one of the top ten guitarists of all time, Tupac and Biggie are not the two best rappers…not even like top ten, Thriller is not the greatest album of all time (this reference counts because Michael Jackson is dead to me), and it’s not music, but go watch some old reruns of the Magic Johnson Show (R.I.P. 1994-1994). Wake up, asshole, you asked a stupid question and now you have to suffer the lecture. How dare you question the integrity of Inuit Jargon, known by many scholars and elitists to be among the most progressive and forward thinking bands in existence, but fuck elitists…and Rolling Stone (you hear that David Frick?). You think you’re so sly, Mr. Interviewer guy, with your bow tie and voice recording instrument. You’re so representative of today’s instant gratification-ADD driven, non-pencil-and-paper-to-write-down-the-answers-to-your-questions culture. This interview is over; your inferiority is sending me bad vibes…ugly, ugly inferiority.

[While Andrew took Matt aside to calm him down. I had time to get another question from Shaun.] I’m intrigued about your writing process. How do songs like Nail Clippers, Lips, and Stained Wood go from the mind to the track?

SHAUN: With most of our songs we like to start out with a clean hook… Something like [singing]

“Gimme some nail clippers,
Like the big dipper,
Or some male strippers,
Yeah yeah yeah”

I mean how can you deny something like that? The answer is that you can’t. I mean when I write songs I want them to have a statement, then rock, then probably have another statement again. I think that’s pretty much the perfect formula to write something that rocks. And always do two choruses, because that’s what the people want. They want two choruses. That’s pretty much it.

[At this point, Andrew and Matt came back to finish the interview. Matt was passive, but still clearly flustered.] What were your aims when you started the Inuit Jargon and how far do you think you got in achieving those aims on your first album?

MATT: I refuse to answer on grounds that your words may enstupidate me.

ANDREW: Well we really wanted to rock — you know — get our ya-ya’s out. But then we realized that if we made really awesome music, we would get to be friends with famous people, and maybe even get to bang Catherine Zeta-Jones — collectively. So far, I’ve done Catherine, but I’m still waiting for Matt and Shaun. And I definitely got my ya-ya’s out — all over Catherine Zeta-Jones.

What is the band up to now?

ANDREW: Well I just ate a can of turtle wax.

Inuit Jargon… Truly gods among men.